| Departures by Leloi “Must you go?” Her voice was soft and wavering with the emotion she had a hard time keeping back from her words. Brown eyes search mine; seeking a new answer to the question she had already asked me a million times over. “Mother…” I whisper to her as I wrap my arms around her delicate frame. My nose buries itself in her graying hair as I take comfort in the scent of the herbs she uses to keep it clean. How many times have I fallen into her embrace? When I was a child it seemed my mother’s embrace could contain me in the very folds of her kimono and keep me safe. Now I’m grown and I can’t help but notice how overwhelmed she seems to be by my arms. I can feel her bones in places, even though I know she eats plenty. I know my mother is aging without me. I’m just now coming into my adulthood and she’s beginning to fade away before my eyes. But I know she isn’t too old for a human. She still has time left. My mother was born into a wealthy family. Always she keeps her regal bearing about her even though she is now clad in a simpler kimono. Mother was a daughter of a warlord and knew her social limits. I know that her life had been far from what it should have been for a woman of that station. But instead my father, a youkai, had chosen her. “I’ll miss you, my son.” I pull away from her embrace, wiping her eyes with the corner of my sleeve. “Don’t cry. I’ll be back… You’ll be safe here.” Our little hut lies in the corner of a small, unassuming valley, still undiscovered by humans or youkai in the area. Regularly I patrol the borders, making sure no one bothers us. But lately I’ve been… restless. “There’s plenty to eat in the garden… You know I have to go.” My mother bows her head, accepting my words. “You have your father’s heart… always wandering… always protecting.” I find it hard holding back my emotions at such a statement. Father left her when she was still pregnant with me and he never returned. “Mother, I WILL return.” I touch her cheek, guiding her eyes up to meet my own, trying to express the conviction I feel… the need to validate myself for this missing piece of my soul. “I just have to know…” I have to know where to find power. I can’t stay here forever, hoping that some powerful youkai won’t find us. I have to test myself and find my limits so I can protect us should that youkai arrive… and I’ll be ready. My mother gave me a half look, completely unreadable like a Noh mask. It comes from her upbringing in the palace, never letting on her true emotions from the people around her person. The only one who ever gets to see her cry… is I. Now she’s hiding those emotions from me. It’s frustrating to see her like that. Lightly I kiss her cheek, still trying to express my devotion to her before I have to pull away. Offering her a smile, I wave and am on my way… ^.~ I am annoyed. You would think they would be creative in what they throw at me… at least show SOME imagination. But no, a rock strikes me on the head before it falls to the ground. I stare at it for a moment. It’s not much different from any other rock that’s been thrown at me before. Warily I look to the men who threw it. “Freak! Monster! Stay away!” It’s always the same wherever I go. The same taunts followed me from place to place, echoing in my ears. It figures that their taunts are as original as their choice of weapon. My earliest memories have been of courtiers muttering the same taunts under their breathes in such a refined manner. The words were the same then as they are now… but spoken much more eloquently from the mouths of lofty nobleman. And the gaze is just as harsh. These words followed my mother and me from village to village. More words were added; words that I as a child could barely understand and mother wouldn’t explain them to me. She only told me that humans could be very cruel. I always tried to protect Mother from such words, challenging the villagers. The first time they beat me within an inch of my life. Not even Mother’s gentle hands could ease the pain in my heart after that… I felt betrayed. I’m not human enough… and even though Mother IS human, she will never again be seen as one of her own people… and it’s my fault. Somehow I’ve failed her as a son. With that first beating, after seeing my mother’s tears, I made a vow. I vowed that Mother would have the honor and respect she deserves. I vowed that it would be my own hand that her honor would be restored. Of course, I was still a child. After that I tried harder and harder to fight for my place in the village. I kept getting beat up with only Mother’s tears for consolation. I think… she would be better off without me. There has to be justice somewhere. It’s not fair that she be forced to suffer for giving me life. So… I leave her for now. The youkai weren’t much better. They seemed to take great delight in throwing their powers my way… and then they would laugh when I was duck and dodge their assault. If I didn’t know any better I would think I was being used as target practice. They laughed at me when I dove for cover, passing me by as if I had merely been a distraction for their mightier pursuits. “Stupid hanyou.” “STAY AWAY!!!” The villagers ready more stones, pelting them at me. A stone pounding against his jawbone breaks me out of my thoughts. That’s right… I’m under “attack” by a group of big shot humans that think they can scare me away with rocks. Idiots. I growl in annoyance and swipe at the rocks with my claws, sending them shattering into a shower of pebbles away from me. “Knock it off!” I leave them to their little lives. This village is no better than any other. ^.~ “No… Yuta, we’ll get in trouble…” A girl’s voice giggles. Opening one eye, I glance down beneath the branch I’m resting on in the tree I had taken shelter in to stay away from anything that might wish to bother me. Below me a girl comes into view, teasingly slapping away the advances of her male companion. “Just a little kiss?” The boy, Yuta, steps closer to the girl. “No… what if someone sees you?” But all her protests stop when Yuta catches that kiss. Stupid girl. Stupid unprotected girl… I close my eyes in my hiding spot, listening to their moans as they do the things young lovers do when they think no one is watching. Eventually they moved off to deeper parts of the forest, never knowing that something other than trees and forest animals has witnessed their little tryst. I would never be so careless… Of course… it probably won’t happen to me. Sitting up I listen for their words, my ears catching faint traces of their voices as they whisper murmurs of love to each other. I am grown, but I will never hear a woman say those things to me. No one would want a hanyou. I’m neither human nor youkai. Human females would fear me. Youkai females would never take me seriously. I feel a tightening in my chest and my heart labors over these thoughts. I’ll never be… accepted by anyone. Once mother dies, that’s it… no one will care for me. I am… alone. Mother is the only one that will ever love me. Oh, that’s horrible to think about. Why does it have to be this way? Why do I even LIVE? What sort of cruel twisted fate decided to bring me into being just so I could be laughed at and rejected? What did my mother do to deserve the stigmata of giving me life? It’s not fair. Curse the fates for torturing us like this. Curse the fates for making me so different. ^.~ The miko doesn’t seem to notice my approach, but instead stares off into the sky as if committing the cloud formations to memory. “Inuyasha, why don’t you join me? I know you’re there.” How she came to learn my name, I’ll never know. Not once has anyone but Mother deemed it even worthy to utter. Cautiously I make my way to the miko’s side and sit down, prepared to bolt at any moment. “What do I look like to you?” Her words catch me my surprise. Never has anyone spoken words as if I was… an equal. Her whole demeanor is unnerving. I am used to rocks and fists and taunts… why such gentle words from a human? Doesn’t she hate me like everyone else? I get up to leave and she gives me a look. Her eyes… such a hopeless longing is in her eyes. This human miko… is an outcast like me. Sure, she is accepted by the society of humans she lives with… but she’ll never know what it is to be seen as a woman… just I will never be seen as a man. There’s something about her eyes I can’t escape from. ^.~ I find my way back to the valley. Kagome’s weight is soft and reassuring on my back as I carry her from hilltop to hilltop before setting in the gentle curve of the valley floor. The one small, humble hut is no more than a run down shack with wide gaps between the boards. Gently I set Kagome down on her own feet as I take a step towards the crumbling remains of hut. I feel a soft hand touch me and lean back against Kagome’s comforting touch. “It was long ago…” My words have some difficulty being formed. A sharp pain clenches my throat as I try desperately not to give in to the emotions I feel. “Inuyasha…” Her breath is soft. “I promised I would return to her.” Kagome’s eyes are upon me, making me feel both sad and comforted that she is here with me. “You have returned to her.” I blink at her, confused by her words. Sometimes she says things I don’t understand… as Kikyou once did. The cryptic words of miko… My companion makes a respectful gesture to the shack, an action I’ve often seen Miroku use at gravesites. “Mother of Inuyasha… I come with your son to honor you.” Slack-jawed, I stare at her in awe, belatedly repeating her movements of respect. Staring back to the shack I bow my head, not knowing where my own mother’s remains were. Her scent permeates the entire area. “Mother…” A gentle breeze caresses my face, tugging at my hair and for a moment I catch the faint, familiar scent of herbs. At my side Kagome stands with her eyes closed and her face tilted to catch the breeze. It seems she is listening. A soft smile tugs at her lips a moment before she bows her head and opens her eyes to look back at me. “Are you ready to go?” I ask. Kagome gives me a smile and a nod. “Thank you for bringing me here.” I offer her my back and allow her to climb up. Feeling her warm body against my back, I am overwhelmed briefly by the warm intimacy we share… something I’ve since come to take for granted what I once found hopelessly out of reach. I am not alone… I know that now. My mother’s scent lingers in my mind as I speed away. Back to the Gallery |