Inu Yasha settled on his favorite tree branch to think.  If fifty years stuck to a tree taught him one thing, it taught him to take comfort in thinking.  Mostly he kept his thoughts to himself.  Who would want to be privy to a demon’s tortured thoughts?

He sighed heavily and stared at his hands.  He could still feel her in his arms, even though they had parted ways over an hour ago.  Her scent was still on him.  He sniffled.  She used to smell of sun-warmed fields and honey.  Now she smelt of grave dirt and old bones.  “It’s not really her,” he told himself.  “She remembers, but she’s not natural.”  He sniffed at his hands, hoping for some hint of her old scent.  There was none.  He sighed.

He slipped off his branch and landed softly.  It was time to go find the others.  He lifted his nose and found a trace of a familiar scent.  It smelt of sun-warmed fields, honey and wildflowers.  It was Kagome’s scent.  He smiled faintly.  If anyone could make him feel better, she could.  As much as he hated admitting it to anyone, including himself, her smile always made him feel good.  It was one of his guilty pleasures.

Her scent was old, as if she had passed that way a couple of hours before.  It got stronger as he neared the well.  Something landed on his shoulders.  He knew by scent that it was the fox boy.  Her scent was strong on him.

“You asshole!” the boy growled, grabbing Inu Yasha’s ears and pulling them.

Inu Yasha frowned in pain.  His ears were the most sensitive things on his head and they did not take well to being tormented.  He reached up and caught the kitsune with one hand and shielded his abused ears with the other.  “What the hell is wrong with you, kid?” he asked, finally managing to pull the fox boy from his head.

“You jerk!  You made her leave.  She left because of you.  She ain’t ever coming back and it’s all your fault, you jerk!” the boy cried, tears in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” Inu Yasha demanded.

“She said that she was no longer needed and she was leaving us forever.  What did you do to her this time, asshole?”

“I… I don’t know,” he gulped, trying desperately to remember any recent offenses.

“She told me to give you this,” Shippou screamed and threw something at him.  He caught it and looked down in his hand.  The Shikon shards sparkled in the sunset.

His heart bottomed out.  This was serious.  He stared dully at the necklace in his hand.  “What did I do?”

“Whatever you did, you better go apologize to her,” Shippou growled.  “And pray she takes you back, or else…” He popped into his crazed bubble form.  “I’ll kill you,” he threatened as he chomp-ed on Inu Yasha’s head. 

“Alright, I’m going.  I’m going!” Inu Yasha growled.  He punched the bubble and jumped into the well.

How could she leave him?  After all they went through together, how could she just walk away without saying goodbye?  His heart ached in his chest.

He pulled himself out of the well.  The sun had just set.  He made his way to her window and hopped into a nearby tree.  From his vantage point he could see her moving around in the room.  It looked like she had just finished a bath.  She was wrapped in a robe with a towel on her head.  She took off the towel and rubbed her hair with it.  She sat down on the bed and took a comb to pull out all of the tangles.  This was always his favorite part of her bathing ritual.  He liked to watch her groom herself.  The look in her eyes as she combed was always the same.  She was so powerful and yet vulnerable.  Her eyes spoke power but they were unfocused on her surroundings.  She finished combing and stood to remove her robe.  He didn’t often get to see this part.  She was too modest and he always feared to lose his control around her if he saw this part.  With a window safely between them, he watched.  He salivated for a moment as he took in her figure.  “You may not see it again,” his little voice told him.  “She left you remember?”

He swallowed hard and gripped the tree branch.  She had pulled on her pajamas and climbed into bed.

“Go to her,” he urged himself.

“No, then she’ll know I was watching.  She’ll be even more angry at me,” he decided.

He leaned back on the tree branch and waited.  “What’s wrong with you, getting worked up over some girl?” a part of him demanded.

He shushed that part of him and shut his eyes to pass the time.

He awoke a few hours later feeling disoriented.  He faintly remembered his mission and looked to the window.  She would be asleep.  He jumped to the window and opened it softly to enter.  He sat beside the bed and watched her sleep.  She gave a spasm and opened her eyes.  “Who’s there?” she asked. 

“Me,” he said softly.

She was quiet.  Finally she said, “Go away,” and rolled over.

His heart squeezed in his chest.  He couldn’t let it end like this.  He knew she was hurt, but he didn’t know how or why.  All he knew was he couldn’t let her go.  “No,” he said.

“This is my room.  Leave now or suffer my wrath,” she said quietly.

“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong with you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me.”

He didn’t like this game.  Did she think he was a fool to believe that nothing was wrong?  “Then why did you tell Shippou you were leaving and never coming back?”

“What do you care?  You have your precious shards, so leave me alone.”

Her words stung him.  Did she really think this was about the jewel?  How could he explain that she had hurt him by leaving?  “No, I don’t care about that.  We need you.”  He realized the moment he spoke the words that they were true.  He needed her.  He had glossed it over with a  “we.”

“Inu Yasha!” she seethed and turned on her light.  He was blinded temporarily.  His sensitive eyes took a moment to adjust.  “You don’t need me.  You always say that you’ve never needed me except as a jewel detector.  Now you have someone to replace me… so go to her.”  She turned off the light and rolled over towards the wall. 

He wanted to say, “her who?” but he knew.  He fought the urge to cry.  “That’s what this is all about?  She thinks I replaced her with…”

“Kagome,” he whispered, his voice revealing his hurt.  “She’s not you.”

“Leave me alone,” she whispered.  “Go to the one you love.”

The pain in her voice broke his heart.  She was truly miserable.  How could he explain it to her and make her understand?  “No…” he began, hoping to buy time.

A hand hit him on the chest and groped around.  It tugged on something and he felt the prayer beads bite into his neck.  The string broke and the beads all fell, bouncing on the floor.  “You’re free, so leave!” she cried.  He could hear her tortured sobs as she hid them in the pillow.  “Go, go, go…” she moaned.

She had let him go.  She was that upset with him.  Every fiber of his being screamed at him to leave as she demanded, but something wouldn’t allow him.  He couldn’t stand to see her in pain, it made him hurt too.  He sat up and touched her cheek.  Her hot tears stung him as he wiped them away.  He couldn’t leave her.  He rolled her over and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.  He took delight in the feeling of her in his arms.  She was so warm… and so sad.  He kissed her cheek.  “What have I done to you?” he asked.  “Why do you push me away?”

“I saw… you and… Kikyou…” she whispered.

He gasped.  She had seen him comforting Kikyou earlier in the day.  He hugged her tighter and buried his muzzle against her neck, smelling her sweet skin.

“There’s no room for me, Inu Yasha.  I saw it.  You still love each other.”

“She thought… oh gods,” his mind screamed.  “I’ll lose her forever for my stupidity.  I can’t…” He caught her lips with his.  Deep in his soul he was hungry for her.  He wanted to push all her doubts away… to show her how much he loved her.  He licked her lips, taking pleasure in their texture and taste.  So soft… so... “I love,” the simple thought suddenly occurred to him.  He cried against her lips, feeling his teardrops fall.  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.  He returned his face to her neck.  “I’m so very sorry.”

“What for?”

“For everything,” he cried.

“Will you go now?”

Her words cut into him.  “Don’t you… love me?”

“You love her.”

His arms squeezed her.  How could he explain?  “She’s not really the Kikyou I knew.”

“What are you saying?  She looks…”

“Looks, yes.  And a part of her is Kikyou… But most of the Kikyou I knew is still in you.”

“So… I’m only a surrogate for you to love.”  She stiffened in his arms and pushed him away.  “Please go.”

“You don’t understand, Kagome.  I have to pacify her pain and return her to you,” he said.  “To complete both of you,” he finished to himself. 

“And then what?”

No one really asked him what he would do once Kagome was whole.  “Then… I don’t know.  I was hoping you knew.”

“Go…”

He stayed and sighed.  He couldn’t let it end between them… not now, not ever.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I… Will you come back?  Shippou is such a pain without you.  He nearly ripped off my ears when I found him.  He told me what you said about never coming back and… I was a little… hurt.  It didn’t help that the brat was chomp-ing on my head.  He needs you.  They need you.”  He took her hand and placed the necklace in it.  He couldn’t accept her giving up on him.  “I need you.”  He stood and retreated through her window.  He paused on the window frame and whispered, “More than you know.”

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