She wasn’t coming.  At first he could raise false hopes with “Well, maybe she’s late,” but there was no doubt about it after several hours passed.  It was very late.  He could tell without looking at the clock, not that he could read it if he wanted to.

He had arrived shortly after dusk, expecting her to be waiting for him.  She wasn’t.  He let himself into her house through her bedroom window and waited beside her bed.

Her family was out.  She had promised that they would be.  She had asked him to spend the night with her because of his “condition.”

He sighed and rolled over.  A lock of ebony hair covered his face.  He absently tucked it behind his perfectly formed, human ear.  Why wasn’t she home?  Was she mad at him?  Had she seen…?

Kikyou had stopped him on his way to the well.  She was in so much pain from living that it frightened him.  He held her, trying to bring some comfort to her misery.  She kissed him… her lips brushing his.  He wasn’t sure what to do or say.  He left her a few minutes before sunset and resumed his trek to the well.  He felt guilty that he had brushed Kikyou’s sadness aside for his own happiness… but he had promised Kagome… And he was very vulnerable in his human form.

Inuyasha wrapped his arms around his naked legs.  It was difficult to sleep under blankets with all his layers of clothing.  He had undressed down to his fundoshi.  “Kagome, where are you?” He closed his eyes and attempted sleep.  He felt safe in her room, surrounded by her scent.

~.^

Kagome let herself in the front door and locked it behind her.  She ran up the stairs, reflecting on the movie she had just seen with her friends.  It helped her forget for a while why she had gone out with them in the first place.

She had seen Inuyasha kissing Kikyou.

It hurt to see them together.  A few hours before she had invited him to stay with her because she was concerned about him and he had agreed.  She supposed that since she saw them kiss, he was probably holed up with her for the night.

Kagome entered her room and turned on the light.  She tossed her things onto her desk and began to undress.  As she unlatched her bra she noticed a pair of brown eyes staring at her from her bed.

Inuyasha sat up a little and the blanket slipped down to reveal his chest.  “You’re late.”

Kagome grabbed her shirt to hold it over her body.  “Inuyasha?  What are you doing here?”

“You invited me, remember?”

“I didn’t think you would come.”

“Why?” he demanded, staring at her.

“You looked busy the last time I saw you.”

Inuyasha frowned at her.  “Why would that make any difference?” 

Kagome blushed.  “What are you doing, naked in my bed?”

“I’m not naked,” he breathed, rubbing his face.  He lay back down on her pillow and closed her eyes.  “Are you coming to bed or not?”

“You are in my bed.”

“There’s enough room.”

“Inuyasha… I don’t sleep with guys…”

“I’m a demon.”

“Tonight you are human…”

He opened one eye to look at her.  “Implying you would let me stay if I was in demon form?” He closed his eyes and sighed.  “You should have more faith in me.  I won’t touch you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She stared at him.  It was obvious to her that he wasn’t budging.  “Can you at least put on your kimono?” she asked as she pulled a nightgown out of her chest of drawers and left the room.

Inuyasha smiled and leaned out of the bed to grab his pants.  He pulled them on, feeling constricted.  He pulled off his fundoshi and that seemed to help the material move better over his skin.  He sat on the side of the bed and waited.

Kagome entered and blushed, seeing him in only his pants.  She turned off the light and shuffled to the bed.  She got in and felt him climb in after her.

He listened to her breathe for a long time.  She rolled over and wrapped her arm around him.  He felt giddy.  He had promised not to touch and valiantly kept his own hands at his side.  She stirred beside him and removed her arm.  “Gomen,” she whispered.

“I don’t mind,” he whispered back.

Her arm wrapped itself around his waist.

He listened to her breathing again, wondering what was running through her mind.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Her head moved and he knew she was looking at him in the darkness.  “What for?”

“For what you saw… what you assumed.  It hurt you and I’m sorry.”

She sighed heavily.  “It’s not your fault.  It’s none of my business who is with you and what you do.”  Her hand moved a little on his side and he squirmed, rolling over to face her.  “What?” she whispered.

“Tickles…”

“You’re ticklish?”

“A little,” he admitted.

Her fingers explored his side, finding all of it ticklish.  He squirmed and tried not to laugh.  Finally her fingers rested on his hip.  The pants he wore left most of his skin exposed.  Her fingers lightly touched him and he held his breath.  She rubbed his hip and slowly wrapped her arm back around his waist.  “Sorry.”

He let out his breath.  “May I hold you?”

“Yes.”

He wrapped both of his arms around her with one hand on her back and the other on her hip.  He wondered if she could feel the rapid beat of his heart against her chest.  He could feel hers racing.  What was she so excited about?  Was she afraid?  “Sorry,” he whispered and loosened his hold on her.

“Why?”

“Nothing,” he whispered and let her go to roll away.

Kagome was silent for a long time she listened to him breathing.  When she moved her hand his breathing stopped.  It resumed after a few moments.  She touched his chest, over his heart and felt his heart speed up and slow down.  “Inuyasha?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever…?”  She didn’t know how to ask.  It was really none of her business.

“Ever what?” he asked quietly.

“Been like this… with another?” 

He was silent.  What did she want to know?  “What is this?”

Kagome blushed and took her hand away from him.  “I’m sorry… It’s a dumb question…”

He turned to her, feeling agitated at her shyness.  “No, tell me.  What is this?”

“You know… share a bed… hold… um…” She was so embarrassed and afraid of the answer.

“Yes,” he replied quietly.

Kagome’s heart hurt.  “Oh…” she sighed.

He could hear the pain in her sigh.  What did she think?  What was she really asking?  “My mother used to rock me to sleep when I had nightmares.”

“Your mother…?” she replied, confused.

“That’s who you were asking about, right?  Sharing a bed with mother?”

“No… I meant… You’ve been in love before, right?”

“You’re asking if I shared a bed with Kikyou, aren’t you?”

“Well… yes.”

He glanced at her in the darkness and smiled.  “Kikyou wasn’t like that.”

“Oh,” she replied, feeling a bit strange.  What was he implying?

“We probably would have… that day I was supposed to turn human.  I was ready to… but things didn’t work out.”  He found that the more he said, the more he wished to explain himself.  “I wouldn’t have turned her down if she had asked me… I cared for her that much.  I wanted to grow old with her and give her my children and that’s a big deal for me, because I never really cared for children.  And yet I had thoughts of them.”  He slowly became aware that Kagome was silent on her side of the bed.  “But it didn’t happen.  She’d dead, but not dead and I’m confused as hell.”

“Why are you confused?  You still love her, don’t you?” Kagome whispered, trying to keep the pain from her voice.  She remembered the kiss with sorrow.

“My happiness does not lie with her.  She is my obligation.  Until my obligation is through, I have no right to pursue my happiness.  I owe her that much.”

“Do you want to be happy?” she asked, silently wondering what he was really trying to say.

“More than anything,” he whispered, rolling over to face her.  “But I can’t right now.  All I can do is hold you as you sleep.”

Kagome’s breath caught.  Was he really talking about her?  “Do I deserve to find happiness?”

He reached out and touched her cheek.  She deserved something, anything from him.  Gently he pulled her to his chest and held her there.  “I would never deny you anything…”

She rested her cheek on his chest, feeling his warm, smooth skin beneath her.  It smelled of him… a mixture of musk and tree sap.  She could feel his chest rise and fall beneath her with each breath.  His heart pounded in her ear.  “Are you uncomfortable like this?”

“No…” he replied, his voice echoing through her chest.

“Really?” She looked up and grazed her lips to his chin.

His breath caught and his heart raced against hers.  She brushed her lips to his cheek before finding lips.  They were warm and soft.  They opened a little and could feel the hot wetness of his tongue graze her lips.  She opened her mouth for him and allowed his tongue to probe.  She tapped him with her own tongue and he moaned.  His hands caressed her back, massaging her spine.  She opened her mouth more and he hungrily explored her with his tongue.  His fingers tried desperately to reach her through her nightgown.  He broke off the kiss with a move of his head.  “Please… I don’t deserve this…”

Her lips caught his again and he moaned.  She stroked his tongue with her own.  Beneath her, she could feel his heart race and the breathing through his nose was quick and ragged.  She broke off the kiss and looked down at him in the darkness.  His breathing slowed but his heart still raced.  She lay her head down on his chest and he hugged her tightly.  “I love you, Inuyasha,” she said quietly.  His heart thundered in his cheat and his hands reached up to knot themselves in her hair.  “Does that bother you?”

“No,” he replied, quietly.  “Why should it?”

“Well… It may be annoying to you if you didn’t feel that way back.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he whispered, massaging her body through her nightgown.  “Sleep now…” he soothed.  She closed her eyes against his chest and he held her until sleep claimed him too.

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