Shhhh!

     Everyone quiet now. Please take your seats. We are about to begin.

     I wait with Joe up by the head of the chapel. The minister is with us, prepared, we think. Everyone else ready, expectant. The doors at the rear of the chapel are closed hiding the rest of the wedding party as they prepare to walk up the aisle. Elvis starts strummin' I Can't Help Falling In Love With You. The faint buzz of anticipation ends as the doors open. Elvis starts singin'. First Debbie, then Dawn, escorted by Joe's dad emerge and slowly march up the aisle. They arrive at the front. Debbie takes her place. And the minister asks, "Who gives this woman away?" Silence. Dead silence. The minister clears his throat. "WHO gives this woman away?" More silence. Joe's dad looks behind him, then around. Someone pinches him. Finally he speaks. "What are you pickin' on me for," he says. The fun has begun.

     Joe's dad may have forgotten his only line, but he doesn't forget to kiss Dawn on two, count 'em, only two cheeks. He steps away, takes his seat and Dawn joins the wedding party, with the emphasis on party, at the altar. I guess it's not really an altar, the front of the chapel. Where it all goes down. Know what I mean, Vern? Joe and Dawn face the minister flanked by Debbie and I, the support team. The minister was great! He was the right mix of reverent and entertaining. I'm all prepared. I have the ring in one pocket and the handcuffs in the other. What more do they need? Love, maybe. But take my word for it. They have plenty of that. Two people more in love no one would see this day. So the minister starts. "We are here today to join Joseph Da,...uh Di... He forgets how to pronounce Joe's name! So Dawn prompts him and after getting it right he hits his stride and doesn't stumble again. Prior to the service Dawn had said she would do all the vows but that one about obeying. "Forget the obey one," she told the minister. "No one wants that one anymore," he told her.

     The minister's cookin' now. Then he gets to the part where the couple recites their vows. So he says "Will you promise to Luuuv him?" Dawn says, "I promise to Luuuuuuuuuuv him." Then they do the ring thing. I get my bit right not dropping the thing during the hand off to Joe, Whew! Everyone's in the proper party mood now, even Deb, the Matron of Honor. She's having fun like everyone else but on occasion has to wipe away a tear. Not sorrow though, pure joy for her sister. Pure joy. So the happy couple, having finished the vows and ring exchange, now do the candle thing. You know they each take a lit candle and light a single candle with it, then blow out the two they're holding symbolizing the energy crisis! No that's not it. Oh yeah the two are now one. Yea, yea that's it. This is what has replaced the "obey" thing I think. Right on, women's lib! All the while Elvis is still strummin' Can't Help Fallin. Then, the climax. Oh wait, that's later. No the end of the ceremony, I mean. The minister says, "I now pronounce you man and wife." I get ready to hand the handcuffs to Dawn. Just waiting for my cue when the minister says "You may now kiss the bride." Joe however had different plans. Not needing any cue, he grabs his new wife and plants a big kiss right on her lips. Elvis punctuates the moment by finishing the song with a flourish.

     What the hell do I do now? The moment is gone. Dawn is kissing Joe back but with one hand grabbing empty space fishin' in the dark for the cuffs. I don't notice this however as it's ad lib time so I grab Joe's shoulder, interrupting this most intimate of moments, and pull him back while saying "Just a minute!" The interruption amazes him as I now give the cuffs to Dawn who tells the surprised Joe, "You ain't single no more, it's over." She cuffs him then they kiss again holding the manacled hands in the air for all to see. Now that's a REAL commitment. The minister then jokes that they are now linked forever or, until one of them has to go to the bathroom. Elvis joins the fun by singing some lines from Suspicious Minds, "They call it a trap, you can't walk out." The minister then does something I doubt he has done before. He shakes the bride's manacled hand in congratulations. Everything settles down and Dawn asks for the key. "Nobody gave me a key," I jest. I let them sweat it just a little, then I give it up. They get unshackled and take their place in the first pew for the most sacred part of the afternoon. Elvis's performance.

     Did I mention what a good time everyone was having. I haven't seen this many smiling faces since Bush finally captured Bin Laden. Oh wait, that hasn't happened yet. Since...since... well, in a long time OK. Joe and Dawn had been exchanging glances and grinning like school kids who had just gotten away with something under the teacher's nose the whole ceremony. The happy couple unabashedly make out in the pew as the King sings Loving You. The minister does his Lone Ranger impression and sneaks out the side door. The mood turns rockin' as Elvi switches to Teddy Bear. He's dancing up and down the aisle showing off some of the moves that made him the legend he is today. Joe and Dawn now dance in their seats in between kisses as the big "E" motivates. But when the first notes of Viva Las Vegas ring out they're up on their feet and dancing. Most of the crowd joins them in dancing and singing as this is the finale. Leave 'em rockin' Elvis. Leave 'em rockin'. Everyone files out after a session of picture taking of the newlyweds and the King. I hear it's good to be King. This day the King made damn sure it was good just to be with him - at Graceland, West.

     Now outside the Chapel, it's more picture taking and lots of blinking trying to get reaccustomed to the bright Nevada sunlight. A general winding down takes place as everyone shakes off the adrenaline rush experienced inside. We make plans to hook up back at the Aladdin for the reception, usually the best part of any wedding. But I have a feeling that the reception will have a real contest on it's hands topping this ceremony. We'll see, we'll see, but that will have to wait for another time...
 

Dawn cuffs Joe

The happy couple

Vegas, Baby!