| Summary:
Jean describes a tender and heart-wrenching scene between Logan and
Danielle. |
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| Scott and I arrive home after enjoying an
evening out dining and dancing. We enter the silent hallway of the
mansion on our way to our room. In the blackness of the night, we hear
a rustling near one of the windows in the TV room. Peering in, we could
see the broad figure of Logan. Logan sat on the windowsill looking out into the darkness. I could sense great agitation coming from him. His dreams must have awoken him into a fury of rage. It has been a long time since he experienced this kind of reaction from his nightmares. We could smell alcohol from a bottle of whiskey that he must have had stashed somewhere. Of course, Scott would love to say something. I hold him back watching Logan drink himself into oblivion. I know he is in pain and disturbing Wolverine now is a dangerous thing to do. This isn't the first time I have found him like this, but I have to admit I didn't expect it. In the past, I knew his nightmares haunted him deeply and many nights we had heard him stir from his sleep. My gifts allowed me to enter his troubled mind and see the visions that tormented him – the blocked memories of what had been done to him and what made him into Wolverine. These memories, his nightmares, incite his berserker rage. No one could take away the pain and deeply recessed memories of the torture he endured. Having been in his head, having seen the hidden memories of the torturous experiments, I can understand his anguish and feel great compassion for the soldier who had been so abused by science and by prejudice. The residents of the school had been more wary of the possibility of intruders since the raid by Stryker's men a few years ago. When Logan returned to the school, he has played sentinel – watching and waiting – for another squadron of soldiers to enter the home of his adopted family. There have been numerous times I have seen him just sit near the window and stare – stare out into the blackness of the night with enhanced vision. I know Logan remembers that night – every detail of what happened and how angry he felt that his new territory had been invaded and how the soldiers penetrated the safety of the school's walls turning the place into a battlefield. Logan was the only means of defense. I had heard of how Logan picked off most of the soldiers using his predatory instincts – silently approaching his prey and taking down each soldier he encountered. More than that, the children who had come to this school to feel safe had that security torn away from them. They are vulnerable and public knowledge, and Logan feels he would be damned to hell if he doesn't try to change that – to allow them to feel safe again. Then, there was the guilt he felt when Danielle was heisted away in another raid. Danielle has brought some real stability to Logan. She gained his trust, tamed the animal, and whenever Logan got into emotional trouble, she was always there to pick him up. I saw them fall so deep in love and realized I could never be for Logan what Danielle is. And for Danielle, Logan is the one man who is everything she needs in a friend and a lover. His killer instincts went into full gear when we went out to rescue her. But even with his great strength and berserker rage, she was seriously injured. Logan was defenseless to help and held her dying in his arms. I watched Logan's emotional response to the painful thought of losing his soul mate. Yet, Fate was on her side and through the help of the Professor and Rogue, Logan was able to save her – passing on his ability to heal to strengthen her impaired gifts. But, he still felt he had in some way let her down. Like Rogue, he had sworn to protect her and he blamed himself for being a failure. Danielle had been augmented and her killer instincts brought forward – Panther had been fully unleashed – something Logan would not have wanted to happen to her. She now bears the same type of claws and the irony of it all is that she and him are that much more the perfect match. She has joined the X Team much to his chagrin, but when they fight side by side, they are a deadly combination. He stares out the window and I can feel his senses becoming clouded over as the alcohol streams through his body and takes a hold of him. Slowly, we watch him begin nodding off as his eyes become heavy with a desire to sleep, and he leans forward against the glass of the window. I enter his intoxicated mind and see visions of all the things that are swimming around in the dark depths of his soul. He kept thinking of all the things that tormented him – from the experiments that changed him to the terror he felt when he almost lost Danielle. Just as he doses off, we see a shadow coming down the hallway. It's Danielle. She tells Scott and I that Logan had awakened her with his nightmares. I tell her he is drinking, the first time since he and Danielle paired up, and she proceeds into the room to sit by his side. Cautiously, she grasps the bottle of alcohol and slowly begins to pull it from his grip. Setting the bottle down on the ledge and out of the way, we see his eyes drowsily open and squint obviously with blurred vision as he tries to make out the figure that is near him. Her arm slides around his back slowly dragging her fingers across steely muscles that are tensing with fear. His eyes widen like a frightened animal and he coils up ready to spring and unleash his deadly metal claws. Logan is ready to strike, and Danielle attempts to calm him. Scott begins to walk toward them sensing the threat Logan poses to Danielle. I pull him to stop. I nod my head motioning for Scott not to interfere but to just watch in silence. I could sense this would not turn into a dangerous situation as Scott was thinking. "It's ok, Logan. I'm not gonna hurt ya," Danielle softly said realizing he was not completely himself. She pleads with him to stop torturing himself, that what happened was not his fault. Gently, she strokes him – trailing her fingers over his back, to his shoulder, and down his arm. His eyes follow her hand's path and I enter his mind again and see how it is a jumbled mess of painful thoughts. The agony in his eyes is so apparent to all of us. Danielle slowly grasps Logan's wrist – his clenched fist poised to release his killing weapons. Her soft growl sounds in Logan's ear and he relaxes to take his post looking outside the window again. I curiously cock my head watching the events as they unfold. I am truly amazed at how Danielle is able to calm the animal's fury. Scott holds back but is prepared to intervene if the need arises. With all the gentleness and compassion a woman could give, Danielle stands behind Logan and wraps her arms around his waist and rests her cheek against his back. Her warm embrace must have sparked Logan's attention, although he remains silent and watching out the window while downing more of the whiskey. Just as she releases him and begins to walk away knowing he needs time to himself, he grabs her arm. We watch his eyes pleading silently for her to stay. She sits down by his side and looks out the window as he does. Danielle would glance over to him sometimes seeing him looking at her instead of out the window. His bloodshot eyes reveal what was in his soul – all the pain and despair he suffered during his imprisonment as an experimental guinea pig and the feelings of failure in protecting her. I could see she could sense all the agony without a word passing between them. He went to take another drink from the whiskey bottle. He was beyond intoxicated and spilled so much of the drink on himself instead of in his mouth. My heart sank as much as Danielle's must have seeing the anguish he was trying to drown with the booze. Her eyes sternly asked for him to again release the bottle to her. In his mind, I see how Logan realizes just why he is so in love with her. She didn't care about his feral tendencies – she was feral herself. She didn't mind his gruff personality – she had a way of bringing out the tenderness in him. She didn't fear being skewered to death by his deadly claws when they slept together – his rage-filled nightmares had subsided to thoughts of a future with his adoptive family and his special girl – at least until tonight. Scott began fussing around and I pulled his arm with a silent plea to be quiet. I knew deep down inside that I would have to beg Scott not to say a word of what we witnessed, as Scott would undoubtedly use this to attack Logan when he sobered up. As Danielle gets up and pulls the whiskey away, Logan huffs deeply. He looks into her eyes. She begins pulling his hand to follow her. He refuses to go. His arm remains taut, as she pulls harder. Instead of following her, he pulls her to him and she falls into his arms. His kiss was unexpected to all of us, yet I could feel a strong passion. She didn't fight him as he tied her up in his arms tightly. I know Danielle could taste the whiskey so strongly, as if she had taken a drink from the bottle herself, just from the look on her face. Her body falls limp in his embrace. He smiles slyly as he releases her and obediently stumbled down the hallway trying to follow her. Scott decides to intervene and he and Danielle help the intoxicated Logan walk to his room. I follow them and watch as Logan angrily pushes Scott away. Scott backs off and joins me leaving Danielle to handle Logan herself. He sits down on his bed and looks up into Danielle's eyes. His arms wrap around her waist and he lays his head against her stomach. She embraces him feeling his pain. "I am sorry," he softly says. "Please stop blaming yerself, Logan," she replies. He takes her hand and begins looking it over knowing inside were claws of adamantium. "It's all my fault," he said. "No, it ain't," she says angrily. "Why do ya put up with me?" he asks sadly. "'Cause I love ya," she responds. She pushes him gently to lie down and like a mother with her child she sweetly tucks him in. The look on Logan's face is endearing and painful all at once. This is another of Logan's great troubles – not remembering his childhood. It didn't take long for him to fall fast asleep. Danielle motions to us that everything is under control now, and we watch as she lies down beside the resting Wolverine. She gently strokes the long sideburns of his face and kisses his lips before she herself settles down to sleep again. We bid her goodnight and close the door quietly. As Scott and I walk down the hall to our room, I enter her mind hearing her saying she wishes she could take the pain away. If there was something I would strongly agree with, it is that. I have learned that overall, Logan is a good man and didn't deserve the hell he went through – a hell caused by prejudice. The next morning, Logan and Danielle are out in the courtyard supervising the kids as they play. There is a radio nearby and I can hear the song playing. Now and Forever written by Richard Marx from the CD "Paid Vacation" Whenever I'm weary From the battles that raged in my head You made sense of madness When my sanity hangs by a thread I lose my way, but still you Seem to understand Now and Forever, I will be your man Sometimes I just hold you Too caught up in me to see I'm holding a fortune That Heaven has given to me I'll try to show you Each and every way I can Now and Forever, I will be your man Now I can rest my worries And always be sure That I won't be alone, anymore If I'd only known you were there All the time, All this time..... Until the day the ocean Doesn't touch the sand Now and Forever I will be your man Now and Forever, I will be your man. I watch Danielle lean close to Logan. His arms possessively hold her tight and he looks deep into her eyes. In his mind, I hear him telling her how he loves her – now and forever. FEEDBACK (posted with permission) Sunshine, I just read your next two stories and they are wonderful! Let me get a Klennex and wipe away the tears! 'Now and Forever' is a story I will be reading again. I don't normally go for stories written in the present tense (like yours) but this story was great. Thanks again so much for writing these great stories. Amy D. MizDenton@ev1.net |
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