Drawing provided by the ultra talented Phillip Peevy - this is his beautiful vision of Panther
click on the image to go to the full sized version.
It has been two years since I was last here and some things have changed. Jean's back – back from the dead and back into the arms of Scott the dork.
It killed me when she nearly ignored me. Guess I should have known better. I just wish she could have known how much I loved her and the torment I felt knowing I will never be able to share my love with her.
Then again, her words hurt me too – to be told I am too dangerous and only good for flirting with – that hurt bad - even after all this time, not that time ever mattered to me. How can it? I am nearly invincible – immortal – death is nothing I have had to fear – until I met Marie.
I again recall how my new life began with Marie. I was told she had a crush on me since we met in that shitty little bar in Canada – a truly great sight she saw – me pulverizing this huge jackass who nailed me in my most vulnerable of places. Hey, the ringmaster warned him and I certainly took my revenge.
For her sake and my sanity (what's left of it), I kept my distance not wanting to give her false ideas – hell, I'm still a guy with needs and I certainly could teach her a few things. But, I don't wanna break her heart. She's had enough of that already. I swore I would protect her, even if that means from myself. So, anytime I get the urge, I run.
But, now I return to find that Marie is learnin' control of her power – she learnin' to touch without killin' and it drives me mad with rage knowin' some little punk kid is gonna take advantage of her sweet innocence and hurt her.
And that little punk is geeky Bobby. I watch him like a hawk for any sign that he's pushin' Marie or tryin' to hurt her. Should he dare, I only hope I don't fill the little bugger's gut with metal claws as a result.
I am so unsure how to react to seein' Bobby with Rogue and Jean again with Scott. I can feel my berserker rage teetering on the edge.
Marie was the sweet young girl who made me understand carin' again and I would die to protect. Then there's Jean – all woman – mature, sexy, and didn't stand for my shit even when I'm being the biggest jackass on planet earth. I would have gladly given my life to know her love – all of her love, not just the carnal type. But, she saw through me and enough to not let our physical attractions become a snowball rollin' down a hill with unstoppable momentum.
I've been a son of a bitch for weeks now. Jean ignores me and I admit I miss the flirtin' and the cute come-ons. Now, she's married to Scott – lucky bastard. Hey, ok, Scott's a dick, but she's happy. I'm sure at some point that if she was my girl, I'd do somethin' stupid to piss her off really bad and she'd hate me.
I swallow my pride knowin' it's the right thing to do and keep my sufferin' to myself. I just go on being bad ass Logan. Nevertheless, my heart still hurts and I'm so freakin' lonely. I hate goin' to bed with nothing more than a pillow to hug at night and those damned nightmares to keep me warm. I could have been the good guy if she just gave me a fuckin' chance.
God, could a woman turn so cold? Guess the simple fact is that she had her mind made up and there was no changin' it.
Yet, somehow I feel if I really wanted, I could have at least gotten her in bed, at least once.
When Jeannie and I are in the same room it's cool to watch how nervous Scott gets – how possessive and insecure. Revenge is a bitch.
I know she still wonders what kind of lover I could have been, and not to pride myself too much, but I'm damned fuckin' good in the sack. Been told it tons of times. I can bring a woman right to the edge, and hold her there for a bit before lettin' her fly off into complete ecstasy.
Jean stays friends with me and tells me someday I will have that one person enter my life that is my perfect match.
I brush off the thought. Why would anyone want to be my perfect match? I'm a jerk and not afraid to admit it. Hell, I'm just Logan - the man who needs no one, really doesn't trust anyone, I take what I want, when I want, and I leave when I've had enough.
When things get too tough, I run – run as freakin' far away as I can. I steal away on Scott's motorcycle just to piss him off. I get on and just ride to parts unknown. It doesn't matter where I go, where I sleep at night (let alone whom I sleep with just to temporarily ease the pain of bein' lonely) and it don't matter if I never come back to this god-forsaken school.
Well, that's a lie. I delude myself on not caring for anyone here, but I really do.
Why do I keep comin' back here? Maybe it's to torture myself with what could be a real life. Hey, I had a life – a simple one, but it worked – cage fightin' for money, always had my pick of the litter when it came to the women in the bars, and I didn't need to answer to anyone but my own freakin' self.
But with all this changin' Marie and Jean put me through they made me human again.
Here's the great part – when Jean died – or so we all thought – I cried. I cried like a freakin' baby cause it hurt so bad thinkin' she was gone and I'd never get to tell her how I really felt. Call me pansy, bub, and I will introduce ya to adamantium claws.
I feel the torment of being lonely so much more these days. Marie has grown into a fine young woman and she's still breakin' all the boys' hearts, including mine. But, I remain her best friend. She still confides in me, and I think that's pretty special. No one really thought of me as someone to trust yer deepest and darkest feelings and concerns with.
God, they been goin' steady for how long now?
But, I still hurt – hurt real bad - bad enough that I will go to the bar and get so shit-faced I don't remember how I even got there or how I end up back at the school in my room.
I used to think all that mattered was who I was before Wolverine. I was obsessed with what I didn't know. Now, all that matters is who I can be.
Well, here I am again – two years later and back at the school, my home I guess you can say – back to the place that has brought some stability to my otherwise insanely crazy life. Home with the kids who think of me as their protector. Hell, man, I am lethal – ask the soldiers who survived the may lay two years back and ask them if I am a one-man army or not.
Charles rolls out of Cerebro having seen something disturbing. I can tell because of the perplexed look on his face and the scent of fear. Maybe I am becomin' a freakin' psychic. He tells the team of further uprisings of mutant rebellion and mutant abuse.
"Scott, ready the jet. Logan, I want you especially to go on this mission," Charles orders.
"Why me?" I ask. Like I got time for this shit when I'd rather wallow in the sorrow of my loneliness.
"Because the mutant being targeted has gifts similar to yours and is destined for real trouble. I think it might be useful if you assist," Charles responds.
I can't argue any further and reluctantly I leave to join Scott in the ready room. As we walk in silence down the hall, I can still hear Charles talking to Storm.
"Storm, perhaps you should go as well. The target is female, mid-30s, and dressed all in black. She shouldn't be too hard to spot with the streak of blue in her hair. Keep an eye on Logan – he hasn't been himself lately," Charles informs.
Hum, target is female. OK, my curiosity in the least has been peeked.
The jet fires up and I sit down fighting with the black suit. These fuckin' black leather suits. I can just about breathe in it.
"Can't Wheels get me a bigger suit? This thing is so tight," I complain.
"Perhaps a few less beers and losing a few pounds might do it," Scott retorts.
"Hey, maybe I need to have my own suit and stop using yours, boy…" I trail off.
Scott smiles without being seen or he might be in trouble with the rather high-strung Wolverine.
"Target is two miles to the northeast," Storm interrupts.
We arrive on the scene – a nightclub in New York. The place is full of activity – fights, screaming, and people on the run.
"OK, who's the mutant in trouble?" I ask as I step out of the jet. The entire scene freezes now paying attention to the new arrivals departing the flying vehicle.
I sniff the air smellin' the scent of a mutant – it's very distinct from a regular person. There I see a woman being tormented by several men in military garb. I freeze with amazement as I see her stand her ground fighting with her attackers. I can't help but stare – she's just incredible.
Her moves are as graceful as they are accurate and potentially lethal. She's cunning and wary like a cornered animal fighting for her life – a formidable opponent in the least. Then it struck me like a punch to my gut – it was her – the woman from the bar in Canada.
There are too many of them now, and one of them jerks grabs her and quickly pulls her through the crowd inside the club. I head off in pursuit – my instincts telling me she's in trouble and needs Wolvie to go save her.
"Logan, wait," Scott orders.
I don't listen – I hardly ever do listen. Just my son of a bitch nature I guess. I don't like takin' orders from that little one-eyed
punkass who thinks he knows everything. I don't care what Jeannie says about restraining himself.
I aggressively push my way through the crowd leavin' Scott and Storm to handle the rest of the action up front.
Down the dark alley, I listen with my sensitive hearing – the sounds of a man and a woman arguing strongly. She's is obviously angry and struggling to defy the wishes of the man.
I also notice the sounds of nearly every stray cat and dog in New York surrounding them and yowling angrily. But, here comes Wolverine - the fiercest animal - in on the scene.
"Hey, bub – can't ya see the girl ain't interested?" I ask as I approach the dueling couple through the shadows.
"Why don't ya mind yer own business, mutant," the man says angrily and while holding her strongly from behind.
I watch as she quickly plants her elbow into his side makin' him release his grip and she spins around kicking him first in the nuts then in his face. Man, that had to hurt.
She watches him fall to the ground and backs off. I grasp her shoulders as she unexpectedly runs into me. She nearly leaps out of her skin with fear – her senses must have been a tangled mess. She quickly whirls around and strikes out at me, but I grabbed her hands blocking her attack.
"Hey, hey, I'm not gonna hurt ya," I say.
Then, came the shock of my life. I watch several scrapes and bruises on her arms slowly heal before my eyes. I cock my head curiously.
"Wolverine?" she asks lowering her clenched fists. She remembers who I am.
"Yes – well, call me Logan," I respond. Now, I feel pretty stupid. Some proper introduction. "I don't think I got yer name."
"Panther – I mean, Danielle," she replies nervously and still trembling from the whole experience.
I pull her close hugging her trying to help her relax. But, sick old me starts feelin' a little weird – ya know, it's a guy thing. And, damn I couldn't stop smiling. I musta looked like such a schmuck.
OK you really wanna know - the warmth of her body near mine got me excited. Go ahead; say I'm a sick fuck. For so long, I wondered about her – if I would ever see her again – dreamin', fantasizin', obsessin'.
But, it was more than just a sexual thing – it felt like electricity goin' through my whole body. I was turned on in ways I didn't think possible. Then, she looks up into my eyes – she's got these incredibly expressive brown eyes – just like Marie. I wanna melt like a snowman on a hot summer day.
"You'll be ok. I'll protect ya," I say.
She tightens her grip around my waist. Maybe I was just givin' her a line of shit to get her to hold on a little longer. Naw, I am a good guy. God, her body feels nice near me.
Then, I notice her assailant rising to his feet.
"Stay back while I take care of this guy," I say moving her aside.
I stand my ground as the attacker raises a blade in his hand and I can't help but snicker at the sight of the weapon. But, the man attacks. Nevertheless, my quick animal reactions and adamantium skeleton make me nearly indestructible, but the attacker is too angered and not willing to back down.
I snarl angrily but did my best to avoid damaging the jerk too badly. The attacker landed on the ground after taking a punch right to his face. I stand back and extend all six of my 9-inch metal claws.
"Come on, bub. Don't make this worse than it has ta be," I state.
The man held back from any further attacks. Danielle moves up to stand behind me holding on for dear life.
"I'm not goin' back there! Why can't ya leave me alone?" she asked.
The Wolverine protectively guards Danielle – animal senses still strongly sensing danger.
"Because you must go back and I'm getting' a bundle to turn you in," John said.
"You're getting' paid? Don't ya know what they were gonna do to me?" Danielle cried out.
"You're a mutant," John states. "The war has begun and we will prevail – we always do. In the meantime, I would watch my back. I will get ya," John says and leaves down the dark alley in a huff.
Danielle heaved a sigh of relief but continued to tremble. I retracted my claws before returning to face her.
I look into her eyes – my sharp senses picking up on something very familiar about her – like I was lookin' at a female version of myself. We share the same gifts and that primal thing I sense is almost unnerving. I sense it so much stronger than I remember from Canada. Maybe she's still developing her gifts.
She sits down exhausted. I sit near her – pushing my luck and sliding closer. I see her trembling – she's terrified. I watch her nervously looking around and her deep breaths must have been to pick up any scent of danger. I know she needs time to settle down and I embrace her again tryin' to comfort her.
I stare at the black leather she's wearin' – her hellish look and animal grace makes her code name make sense to me.
"What was that all about?" I ask as I sweep a gloved hand through her long wavy hair.
"My ex-boyfriend. He found out I am a mutant. I managed to hide it for quite a while – a benefit of being on the road a lot between my job, my band, and my professional horse riding. Him and his military buddies think they got all the answers," she said.
"Yer safe now – I won't let anything happen to ya," I reply.
My heart aches just thinkin' the bastard would have turned in his own girlfriend to them jerks for experimentation. Makes me want to track him down and introduce him to real pain.
"I'm tired of running," she says.
It was her next comment that struck me funny.
"And I'm tired of these boys who think they are men," she says.
I tighten my grip around her resting my chin on top of her head. So, here I go and say somethin' stupid.
"I'm a real man," I say in a barely audible tone of voice.
I guess I was glad she didn't hear it – or maybe she did and ignored it. Just at that moment, Cyclops and Storm jog down the alleyway where we were.
"Ya got somewhere to stay?" I ask.
"I can stay with friends, 'till I figure out what I'm gonna do," she replied.
"We got things settled up front. I think it's time we take off," Cyclops states.
I look into Danielle's eyes before releasing my hold on her.
"Now, Logan," Cyclops orders.
I am thinking very hard at the moment. I didn't want to leave her – not when I finally have her near me again. Scooter is standing with his arms crossed and lookin' really impatient.
"Scooter calls. And yer comin' with me," I say as I lift Danielle into my arms. From out of the shadows, I hear a voice.
"This is far from over, you mutants," the voice threatens.
"I'll be waitin' for ya, bub," I snarl.
We took Danielle home to the Xavier School. I leave her with Jean, where she is taken to Professor Xavier's office. I can imagine the Professor briefing her on life at the school and offering her a room.
I see the door open and I dive behind the couch out of sight. Jeannie looks around. I know she must have been pickin' up my thoughts. Afterwards, Jean takes Danielle down to the expansive dining hall for refreshments.
I follow them – stayin' just out of sight. I can't explain why I feel so drawn to her – my fantasies of her match the vision before me.
Jeannie takes her to the medlab and that's when I finally left for my room. I got great hearin', but I ain't Superman.
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"I understand you have similar abilities to our Logan. It might make an interesting comparative study at some point," Jean said.
"I heal rapidly and rely on my instincts, which sometimes fail me – at least when it comes to men," Danielle replied.
"Yes, that is a tough subject anyway," Jean said.
"I am so grateful to him and fer bein' so gentle," Danielle said.
"Be warned that was just Logan having a good day. I don't know what's gotten into him lately. He's been so irritable – not that he's your average guy anyway," Jean says.
Danielle cocks her head curiously.
"I guess a good word for him is feral. He's also self-absorbed, arrogant and high strung," Jean said.
Danielle giggles lightly.
"I will tell ya that I have a feral streak in me too – don't like being bridled and I got a bit of a temper too. As for Logan, I sensed that about him – even from the short time we talked in that little Canadian bar – someone who's rough around the edges but still has a heart. He talked a lot about someone he loved and who died," Danielle said.
Jean looked at her a little stunned. She never knew how traumatic an experience it was for Logan to endure. If Logan did show her anything, it was his big heart – as much as he was tough, he had a soft streak in him. He would never admit it in a million years that he could be a big softie, but Jean saw that in him. So did Marie.
Logan is also a man of honor – someone who would do anything to protect those he trusted – but there were very few people he trusted.
Danielle watched Jean's unusual reaction.
"Is that woman you?" she asked.
Jean didn't know how to respond.
"Look, I don't want to get off on the wrong foot here and please, don't take this wrong. But, I see you are a little overwhelmed with what I said," Danielle said.
"I have Scott – we're married," Jean replied showing Danielle the huge diamond ring.
"Yer not answerin' my question. Logan seems so exciting…so wild…charmin'. Oh, listen to me carry on, not like I have had much luck with men lately," Danielle said.
"Danielle, Logan and I had no relationship, if that is what you are wondering. I have Scott, and am not in love with Logan, nor was I ever in love with him," Jean replied.
"Hum…I am sensing a little regret and anger in your voice now," Danielle said.
"Look, in all honesty – Logan tried to get close. I know he liked me – and well, ok, I admit – I was a bit attracted to his spontaneity and the danger he offers. After I came back here – after I returned from the dead as they say – I realized just how much I loved Scott. He was all I could think about and that's what drove me to survive and get home again. I settled down with my good guy – a stable guy – someone who is gonna be around. Logan would have just been a diversion," Jean explained.
"I understand, but it still hurt him. I don't think you have any idea how bad he felt. He does have a certain warmth in him, even though he is tough, macho, and gruff," Danielle replied.
"He hides a sensitive side. He tells everybody he's just `bad ass Logan.' Gotta be the soldier in him. Look, there is nothing between him and I, and there never really was," Jean said.
"I won't push any more, but I hear regret in your voice. Maybe a part of you wishes you could have experienced all of him," Danielle said sensing it time to end this conversation.
"Why don't you rest up a bit. You had quite a traumatic ordeal tonight," Jean said.
"That would be cool, but I couldn't impose," Danielle replied.
"Nonsense. The Professor already cleared it. We can set up one of the vacant rooms if you like."
"Oh, God. I will do just fine here with a blanket."
Jean got her a blanket and Danielle nestled down for the night. Within minutes, she had fallen deep asleep. Then, Logan entered the medlab and cautiously looked around. Seeing Danielle laying out on the slab, he began walking towards her until he heard Jean. Logan dove out of sight.
"Logan? It's alright," Jean called.
He slowly approached.
"I just wanted to see if she was ok."
"She's fine. She's resting comfortably."
Logan stood by the side of the exam slab and gently traced the outline of Danielle's face.
"You seem to have had good bedside manner with her earlier. She was quite relaxed with you."
"Just bein' a good guy."
"You want to sit with her for a bit? I gotta run upstairs for a few minutes."
An hour later, Jean returned and found Logan stretched out in a chair near Danielle and he too was sound asleep. Jean got another blanket and laid it over him.
"You two really had a rough day," Jean whispered softly before leaving the medlab.
Logan stayed all night.
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Five in the morning - Logan got up and headed for the gym. Danielle was still fast asleep. He went for his early morning workout and a quick bite to eat figuring by the time he got done she would probably be awake.
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"Hey, how are you feeling?" Jean asked.
Danielle stretched out seeing Jean putting away the blanket that had been lying on the chair near her.
"Much better now. Did you stay here all night?"
"No. Your favorite fan did," Jean replied before giggling.
Danielle cocked her head curiously.
"Logan stayed with you all night. I think he was a little worried."
"That was sweet of him," Danielle said hopping off the exam slab.
She stretched again and yawned deeply.
"Well, I really should take myself home and decide on what to do with myself."
"I won't push, but you are more than welcome to stay here with us."
"Thanks again, but Loni would kill me if I didn't talk to her first. You all have done enough for me."
Jean called for Scott and escorted Danielle to the front door.
Scott pulled up into the front driveway and waited for her in his car. Jean handed her a transponder.
"You will be in good hands. Scott will see that you get there. Take this and call if you run into trouble," Jean orders.
"Thanks for all your help, and please thank the Professor for his generous offer. And, thank Logan for saving me," Danielle said before leaving. Scott opens the door to the car and helps Danielle in.
I walk down the hall after spendin' some time outside in the courtyard. I hear Cyke pulling out of the drive in that damned Mazda he thinks is so cool. I catch the faint scent of Danielle's vanilla perfume in the air surrounding Jean.
"Where is she?" Logan thundered.
"She wanted to go home. Scott took her," Jeannie replies.
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anyone come get me so I could say goodbye?" he asks - his voice is filled with anger and disappointment.
"Logan, why are you reacting this way?" Jean asks me.
I am too pissed to answer.
Damn, Jean. Damn Scott. I get on the bike and ride – just ride without lookin'. I ride along the open highway – just me and the bike and the feeling of freedom – and with the hope I will pick up her scent somewhere.
What the hell am I doing? I'm actin' like a jealous boyfriend. What the hell should I care? I won't see her again.