As the last of the werewolf fur fell from me, I look upon your lifeless body in my arms and I am lost in emotions that flood my very soul.  Dead – dead were you by my own hand.  How could this be?  How could I be so cursed to loss you in our moment of triumph?  You became the reason I wanted to succeed in this mission – there was more to be won than just another victory over evil – your love.

I bring you to me holding you close – I can’t let you go.  I sob uncontrollably wishing this were just a terrible dream and that you would awaken smiling that wondrous smile that makes my heart skip a beat.   I want to see those eyes – those big brown eyes – so full of life - look into mine again.  I want to feel the warmth of your lips on mine and feel you near me within my embrace.  But, there is nothing.

Awaken, my love – please awaken and let me kiss you again.  I beg you.  You are so still, Anna – please my sweet Anna, don’t leave me!  Not now!  Don’t leave me haunted with the thought of what could have been now that this nightmare has ended.  Or, has the nightmare just begun?  The thought of being with you – to tell you how much I have grown to love you – it has all been swept away in the blink of an eye.  The pain of loss strikes at the very fabric that holds me together and this thought brings me to my knees overwhelmed with grief.

Carl touches my shoulder and I cannot stop weeping.  Your body is so cold and limp – the life having gone out of you – the fire in your heart extinguished forever.   As he takes you from me, I feel like a part of me is being ripped away.  I am dying inside, Anna – dying from the grief that consumes me.  I lock up frozen in terror of never seeing you again – never hearing your voice – never to see you smile again.  I do not want to let you go, for letting you go means I must say goodbye.

We ride one last ride together – together we travel to the sea – the beautiful sea.  You had never seen the sea.  Anna, wherever you may be - do you see the waves, smell the salty air, and hear the birds calling?  What a place of beauty to honor you one last time.

I hold back the tears as I light the fire.  I watch it take flight dancing all about you -consuming you.  I cannot help but feel like I have another murder – another sin – another nightmare to add to my long list – a loss not just of a life but of love – my love – of you, my Gypsy Princess.  As the flames glow bright, I feel my soul become heavy – the realization hit me that you were really gone.

Carl reads the words but I find no comfort.  My heart is gripped in sadness and loss.  He too is trying to hold back the tears himself.  Why?  Why have you been taken from me?

Then, oddly enough, I feel your presence around me.  Am I dreaming?  I swear I can feel your touch.  Yes, Anna, I am here.  I look up and I don’t see you.  You are no longer of this world.  As I look above, I see the clouds part and with that shines a bright light – and then I see you - Anna, I see you Anna – you and all your family reunited!  You are smiling – ah, you are smiling.  A sense of peace enters my heart for you would still be with me – forever a part of me – living in your new world – the one that is harder to see.

As much as the pain still grips my heart, I know you will be with me and you have forgiven me for what I have done to you.  You have become a part of me and despite our being in two different worlds, we are forever connected – bonds that will never be broken.  My journey within this life must go on even though your journey has ended.  I pray Heaven is as beautiful as the sea and no matter what, once, the grief fades away, I know we still have our love.

The flames have died now and the light has dissipated, but your light will shine on inside of me – in my heart forever.  I cannot help but smile – I cannot explain why.  As Carl stands by my side, I know I must go on.  There is still so much to do.  But, know that I will hold onto the memories – time will heal the pain of grief for you – and every time I strike down another demon, another force of evil, know I do it in honor of you. 

 

Most of all, my sweet, you are a part of me - my love, my Gypsy Princess – my Anna.