Welcome to my Lair, Ladies.

Now I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have hit my goal of losing weight. I have signed up for more sports and have met some awesome people. Now what? I can honestly say that I am not passionate about anything now. I don't have anything that lights a fire under my butt. I need to find my next passion.

Tomorrow I will be a year older but maybe not a year wiser. We will see what the new year brings. I will hopefully find my muse, my inspiration.

In other news, had my first indoor soccer game on Weds at 11:15pm. It was cool except a) Both our goalies didn't show up, and I had to play goal for the 1st half and some of the 2nd half. b) We lost. c) I was hurting from eating Red Lobster the night before. We only lost by 3 which isn't bad for indoors. Hopefully we will do better in our next game. Enough of that talk...time to elaborate on my Red Lobster experience.

Red Lobster...bad...endless shrimp...30 mins before the kitchen closed...all night on the turlit...many administrations of the Air Borne Febreze product...ughhhhhhhhhhh

OMG...Ferris Beuller's Day Off...wuahahahaha. So good.

Ok, so I sort of got sick on Tuesday and had to leave work early...GASP!!! Ben work less than 8 hours a day?!?!? Incredulous! Unpossible! Ok, not that hard to believe. Let me recap what I have done this past weekend.

Saturday morning, I go over to my friend Harry's place to get ready for a trip to NYC! We are going up there to watch the Trinidad v Mayorga boxing match at Madison Square Garden. I had never been to the Garden, nor have I watched a live boxing match. It was awesome. Best fight I have seen. I did waste a whole bunch of money going up there, and doing other stuff, but I won't go into details. Unless you ask me nicely.

Next, I decide to go to the softball game the following Sunday...back in VA. So, we drive back and make it to the game a few mins late. Harry gets subbed in but I sit out the first game. I get to play the 2nd game and whew...it was almost tragic. One girl hit the ball right at my face. Good thing for my ninja reflexes or I would have been missing a few teef. Then, 2 batters later, another girl clobbers the ball and it blasts my shin. Even though I couldn't feel my toes for a minute, girls were still hitting on my right? *rim shot* Anyways, leg has healed since them since I am like Wolverine and stuff.

Monday, I go to another friend's house to play poker. I get OwnT. When I leave I am feeling a little funny. Like a little itch in the back of my throat. I wake up the next morning and it is still there but I am feeling fine. I get into work BOOM. OWWIE. I leave early. Sleep 12 hours. Snot is a nasty green color. Go into work. Skip kickball. Sleep some more. Here I am all peppy. Still not 100% but ready to kick some butt!.

Ok, not a very good story, but can you blame me? I am like with the sickness and junk. Plus, all the ladies want me. All the guys want to be me...yada yada yada etcetera. So, there you have it. Ok, so, I think I better go do some work now since I have an install at 4pm and I am moving offices. Whoopie!

Anyways, I need to get back to work. I hope Sonny noticed I updated again. oh how I hope.

You like that? That was like 3 stages of stuff, I saw that on the Simpsons. I think I am missing a few steps. Eh. Anyways, just an update on what I am doing. Lets see, Tuesdays - Kickball, Wednesdays - Softball Practice, Sundays - Softabll games. Sprinkle in a little running here and a little karate stuff there and you have my typical week. Oh, and don't forget about talking to hot chicks. I am pretty good about that. Sonny would be happy to hear that I am sorta kinda talking to and want to mack on a chick on my softball team that went to Virginia Tech. (and she is hot, did I mention that?)

In other news, I am goofing off at work. When people ask me to do stuff, I pretend I don't speak English, but there are a bunch of Chinese people that ask me to do stuff and I am screwed.

On a seperate note, I finally ate a donut after months of not eating one. It was so good, I ate two. Now I need to really work out. It should be ok though, cuz I have 2 softball games and a practice this weekend. I also plan on running so it should be ok. Anyways, @#%@#%@# at work thinks he figured something out but I am highly skeptical. Peace outside.

Lets see, what should I pontificate about today. Hmmm, herm, haaaa,hoooo. I really have nothing. I think it is the lack of calories, or the lack of motivation for writting. I have no muse, no direction. I need to find the burning desire to accomplish something. Running was something I wanted to do and I tackled it, now, I need something new (Tackling it as in not passing out after one mile haha). I think I will try martial arts again. I want to see if I can compete and do well. Right now, I suck. Running was an means to an end, what end? I honestly don't know. It might be martial arts, or it might be towards becoming an international playboy. That would rock really hard.

Oh man South Park is awesome. Even though it isn't Lemmiwinks, AWESOM-O is awesome.

Kickball is going to rock. So psyched. I am going to be hitting on mad chicks this season. It is going to be hot.

Check it, I am the beast from the East.
The Far East Beotch.
If you try to step, you are going to get wrecked.
I will make you groan, and then make you foam
at the mouth like a rabid dog. My lyrical abilities
are unmatched. I am in the rap game to aid me
in my pruient interests. I am a lascivious
fool. You better recognize. I'm out!

Yeah, my office better be scared of me leaving. They better check themselves before you wreck yourself. Yo yo yo. In other news, I went to CostCo and got some gas, frozen pizzas, Jalepeno Hummus, and pita bread. Super! Also, I biked again for the second day in a row. Ow. I forgot how different biking is from running, now my legs are letting me know. I think I need to do this more often. Especially when then nasty ass cicadas come out. Bastards.

Ok, I am a huge dork. Peace out fools.

Last weekend was great! My buds Matt and Allan came down to visit and Allan brought his girlfriend Betty. It was good times! All we did was pig out, play video games, and eat some more. It started to feel like college, it was awesome! Oh and I think we went to the Cherry Blossoms and went to a museum or something. Too much fun!

Another thing, kickball is starting up soon. I have been telling people on the team to work out so they don't get injured during our games. Plus, it is also good to re-intro people with the rules instead of throwing them into the mix like last year ;-).

On another note, Jessica Simpson has a huge mouth and looks funny when she sings. I was watching the Nick and Jessica variety hour. Well, the last 10 minutes. I still wouldn't kick her out of bed.

So, I found a kickass 3 mile path (section of a larger loop path) that I can run. Online, they say the total trail is 4 miles in a loop, but looking at the markers on the trail (that is part of the loop) I ran 1.5 miles. But, when I look at the map that is about 1/5 of the loop. Doesn't seem to add up. Anyways, I am going to be a running man.

In other news, Doughnuts are sooooo good. I didn't intend on eating one this weekend, but the parents bought like 2 dozen so I was obligated to eat atleast one. MMMMM.

Some sayings of a wise man:

• I am going to hang out with my wang out.
• I am going to chill out with my drill out.
• I am going makeout with my snake out.
• I am going to rock out with my cock out.
• Chill girl, don't bug out with your rug out.
• Fox out with your box you.

So, I have to work like a lot. But, that is ok. I know that the ladies will see what a hard worker I am and be turned on by my studious nature. "Oh Ben, you so hot. I want you for your mind." That would rule. Thuy posed an interesting scenario in which the world was really a backwards world. Fat people would be hot and skinny people would be disgusting. That would be awesome. I would just got to buffets and pig out. Oh wait, I already do that. Interesting none-the-less.

Ok, I felt that I needed to blog for the sake of blogging. Now I think I am going to whack off now. Oh wait, Thuy is here chilling out. Should I do it. Would that make me ghey? Or would it just show my sensitive side and when he tells chicks that they will all clambor over me? Hmmm what a conundrum. and I can't spell and am too lazy to spell check.

Ok, I have to post this biznatch. I busted out laughing when I saw it. I am a dork, I know:

In other news, I have increased my work out. I am now riding the stationary bike for 30 mins (approx 10 miles), lifting for about 10-15 mins and then running a 10 min mile afterwards. The thing is, I am not that tired after I am done. Anyways, I think after 2.5 months of riding the bike for 30 mins has left me at a weight loss plateau. I think this will help me get over that last hump. If I weren't so lazy, I could probably do a 7.5 min mile but I don't want to push too hard too fast. Got to take it nice and slow. Respect the motion of the ocean. (You like the allusions to something else? I am a literary genius!) Anyways, another 20 pounds and I will be done.

Some of you know the dream that I have to open my own dance club. The only reason I want to do that is not so I can go party anytime I want, but rather, so I can just walk up to the front of the line and walk right in. And, in the process, choose the people from the line that I want to come along with me. That would be worth owning my own club. WUAHAHAHAHA! I have no clue why I want to do that, maybe it was after I watched Night at the Roxybury, what a waste of $9.

Oh, and for all you haters:

On a sidenote, happy birthday to Kerry. I would have gone out and hung with that crazy girl, but I was really really out of it today. I think they went to the Clarendon Ballroom. I like that place, very chill. I have a new pick up line:

"Girl, if I had a pilonidal cyst, I woud let you wipe up the pus."

Oldie but goodie:

"Girl, my love for you is like diarrhea. I can't keep it in."

Ahhhhh, I am so mature and have it together. Sigh, why am I so adult. Anyways, I am outtie. I am going to go to bed soon. I need to rest up and get healthy.

On another note, my GF grill still rocks. Did some salmon on that bad boy and it makes my stomach all happy.

On another note, I went to Kimmay's house yesterday and ate a ton of snausages and other assorted food. She rocks!

On another note, I still haven't met the girl of my dreams yet. But, if I look into enough people's windows I will be bound to find the hottie of my dreams. Preferably naked and unaware that I am peeping on her.

8====D~~~~~ ( o Y o )

Oh and another thing, when you comment about a friend's sister, make sure their sister isn't there. Even if it is in jest, it is bad form. I.E. - Wow, that pancake was made really sloppily. Your sister is very sloppy! oh!!! Bad form.

Oh and another thing, Kristen Kreuk on Smallville is soooooooooo hot. I mean, super hot. She is so hot that it singes the hairs on my butt. That is pretty hot. My biggest thing is, when you watch Smallville during the week, they broadcast it in HD/widescreen. I am watching the easy view version on Sunday and it is broadcast in regular format! Whats up with that? I want to see Kristen aka Lana Lang in HD so I can perform onanism in HD. (Thuy already used that term in a very obvious way today while we were playing bocce ball so it is time for me to expose the full meaning. You can use it in scrabble like he did once. Very hot. Mad props on that one.)

Things I want to do in the next few months:

• Meet the girl of my dreams. Meet her as in NOT having her punch, slap, or kick me. Oh, and not mace, peper spray, or tase me.
• Lose more weight and continute my exercise regimine and get healthier.
• Hone my voice so that I can become a von supa-star.
• Go on vacation and relax.
• Find a new hobby.

Oh, and I want to go and visit my friend Matt and have a little DayDream... awww yeah. wink wink nudge nudge. Me like a lot! I am still reeling from my first DayDream experience. woo hoo!

In other news. George Foreman grill day 3. Vegatable Quesadillas (cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes and mushrooms) times 2 and 2 pork chops. Holy cow it is so hot. I also had food left over to bring to lunch tommorrow. So hot (figuratively and literally). OK, nothing else. Peace outside.

Today, I went to the dentist and was told my teef rock. Very healthy and stuff. Then, I went to Price Club for some lunch and a purchased a George F-ing oreman grill. That thing is so hot that it gives me a boner just thinking about it. If I grilled my boner it would be reduced fat because that grill rocks! I cooked some pork chops and onions on my grill and it tasted fabulous! Fantabulous!

Anyways, I would like it if people called me. Especially ones that have boobies and no pee pees. And Fat dudes don't count. Cuz see they have boobies and their pee pees are probably hidden under their fat and looks like they have no pee pees. To spell out what I want, I want girls to call me. [INSERT Thuy's battlecry here (inside joke, inside you know what!)].

Here is my impression of Tom Hanks. "Hi, I am Tom Hanks. How do you do?" Pretty uncanny, don't you think?

I was going to write a long and I guess profound entry today, but it wouldn't fit in with the rest of the inane drivel that I usually write. But, I will say one thing, people define a place and experience. Don't ever forget that. Without the people in your life, you really don't have anything. People are the variables in the equation of life, without them, you are left with nothing but a constant.

On a lighter note, we ended up watching Deuce Bigalow: Male Giggalo. What a quality flick. "Thats one huuuuuge bitch!" If you haven't seen the movie yet, go rent it or buy it. I command you. I now want to be a man-whore. If anyone is in need of my services let me know. "I have been getting ten dollars."

By the way, I just found out that American butter is about 80% fat. So next time you feel like adding butter to whatever you are cooking, remember, 80% fat. Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day full of butter laden foods. Valentine's day is a worthless "holiday." The quotes represent a way to convey a sarcastic OR IRONIC tone. Bastards. All of you. (Is it Valentine's Day or Valentines' Day or Valentines Day. Oh well, who gives a flying fart. Plus, I don't know how a fart would fly, but I would think it would waft rather than fly.)

You smell like urine and squeeze cheese. I win! Anyways, what is irony? I don't know, maybe it is when you call a fat person slim, or a skinny person chubs. Yeah, that is it. Or is it when you use a pile of kindling to set a match on fire. Ok, I am running out of things to write about.

So I was looking at some pictures I have on my computer and I came across this album cover.

Pretty sweet huh? I like a lot!

Anyways, not in the mood for writing much tonight. I am still seething over an incident here at work. If you call I am sure to tell you ;-). Anyways, I will take the advice of a wise man, "Dude you going to finish that burrito?" Ok, he really didn't say that. Burritos would probably make him splash damage the toilet. I think I will relax and let that shiz go. (That is what he really said. He is going to be a doctor you know and prescribe the butt creme I desperatly need. I mean bad, cuz I have a rash that....no.)

Ok, so I wrote a script to manage my blog entries and fold the entries into a template. I was going to write another part of the script to create archive files so that I can have like 7 days per page. But, I need to actually get inspiration to work on it. Yeah, I am a loser, what you going to do about it, huh?

Ok, now I need to figure out what I want to do in life. I think I want to grow up and become Ron Jeremy. I think I need some more of that Magna RX+(tm). If I downed like 10 bottles of that bad ass stuff I bet I could be Ron Jeremy times 2. That would be insane! I could then take my weiner and pound in nails. Insane I tell you! Or, I want to grow up and become some hot chick's underwear. That would be hot! Unless my face was the back part of the chick's panties. Then I would have my face up in her poo hole. And if she were to wipe her butt with butthole paper and some of it got stuck then I would have a bunch of butthole paper in my face.

No more talk about butthole paper. It is so crazy. Oh, watch The Surreal Life it is so funny. Rob Van Winkle, Tammy Faye, Trishelle, Tracy Bingham, Ron Jeremy, and Eric Estrada. How can you go wrong. Too funny. Anyways, time to watch some more TV. Peace Outside.

Joke:
This executive hired a new asian assistant. He asked him, "Fong, could you please go down to the basement and get me some supplies?" Fong replied, "I go!" After an hour, Fong didn't return. So, the executive goes down to the basement and opens the door. Fong jumps out and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!"

Anyways, I am finding out today that I had made a series of excellent drunk phone calls. I apparently called one lovely young lady and asked her to come and visit Virginia. Well, an addendum to that would be that I asked her to come down and visit to watch me make out with a cow? That doesn't sound too much like me. But, I then apparently followed up with asking her if she was watching a movie that had naked chicks. That does sound like me. So, I am very confused on what I actually said.

Anyways, people, if you have a topic you want me to write an essay about, give me a call or drop me an email. I am in desperate need of topics to write about. Anyways, I am way too lazy to think. Thinking is hard. Here is a picture of me next to a monster truck. They rule. I think I am just an Orange Neck at heart.

We watched Predator, the movie. It was awesome. Just like Top Gun, there was a lot of obligatory flexing of the muscles. We were trying to imitate, but it was impossible since it requires you to have muscles. After the movie, the majority of the people left except for TJ. We ended up crank calling his friends and doing drunken calls to people on our phone lists. I think I called a bunch of people but don't remember when I called or what I said but I bet it was really, really profound.

Sorry for writing an actual blog entry but I think this night needed to be documented for posterity. If anyone needs 20+ empty beer bottles, just give me a call. If you need a naked asian dude, again, just give me a call.

Here is my new hero, THE Asian Prince.

OK, I am watching the Extrame Make over TV show. All I have to say is, "Wow." These people are morons! I mean why would you want to look better? I mean if I were on the show, I would opt for the doctors to change me into a super being. I mean, I would be like, "Yo Doc. Give me another arm, another leg, an eye on the back of my head and a ton of bio-electrical components to round me out." I would be unstoppable and when people I know see me again, they will bow down to my supremacy. I will be a king among men.

That my be a little unrealistic. If I were to get plastic surgery, I would want to be changed into Tom Cruise in Top Gun, not from Vanilla Sky, but from Top Gun. Tom Cruise minus Kelly Mcginnis. She was butt in that movie. Ughhh, I was like, Maverick NO!!! I thought you had to have good vision to be a pilot. Goose was the dude that had the eye for the honies. Meg Ryan Banderas. Rawr, daddy like. Daddy like a lot.

Alright. I have to watch the rest of this show. It is very interesting. Very interesting indeed.