Couples and Other Relationships

When two people first meet, they often are open to each other and share themselves easily and freely. Over time, this can change to being closed, mistrustful, fearful, and/or angry. One or more of several things often happen that creates this change:

1. Without really being aware of it, people often begin to interpret each others’ behavior, or assume that when the other says something or does something, it means a certain thing. Neither person is aware that they are making assumptions nor knows whether the assumptions are accurate or not. I help you become aware of assumptions, to bring your new awareness into the relationship through actions.
2. One or both of you may be overlaying past relationship patterns onto current partners, friends or colleagues. People often seem to become close with someone who is reminiscent of the parent or sibling with whom they had difficulties in relationship as children. Specific patterns of relationship are created in our birth families that we seem unconsciously to create over and over again in intimate or close relationships as adults. I help you take this recreation of painful family dynamics and use it as an opportunity to change the patterns, and to learn to interact in a new, healthier and effective way with the people you are close to. For example, I help you transform patterns of being criticized or critical toward others, or  from experiencing your life in relationship as anxiety-ridden, lonely and unvalued into relationships where you feel a sense of belonging, support, love and encouragement to be yourself.
3. You and/or your partner may be unaware of tools or behaviors that support and encourage openness and a feeling of love, safety and belonging in the relationship. I work with you to develop and practice these tools with each other.