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Well, I love zombie movies, they are one of my favorite types of horror
movies. This movie though, is a steaming pile of shit. But for
some reason I loved it, even in it's flaming shit glory. I love that
it is so funny when nothing is even happening. I found myself
laughing my ass of at the stupidest stuff.
There are several reasons why this movie sucks ass. Well
actually, there is roughly about 2,549,106 reasons why this movie is a
pile of butt spunk, but I'm lazy and am only going to name a few of them.
First of all, the acting in House of the Dead, is the scariest thing in
the entire movie. It is so bad that it is laughable. Everybody
says everything in a "matter of fact" voice.
Next on the list of why this movie is a piece of crap is that the
dialogue is horrendous. Some of the worst lines ever are in this
movie. "This book looks old, Maybe it can help us out." says Alicia.
What the fuck is that? But the best worst line in the movie is when
Rudy says to a zombie, "Why do you want to live forever?" and the zombie
says, "so I will never die."
Along with crappy acting and bad dialog we get a corny ass soundtrack.
Some of the worst music to kill zombies to is, well, played while killing
zombies. Did I really hear Bif Naked in there? The special effects
are pretty good, the gore is a mixture of CGI and makeup effects.
There is also a lot of "bullet time" in House of the Dead. You know,
when they slow down the movie, and follow a slow bullet. Well, it is
ok at first, but gets kind of annoying and completely over used. It
is almost as if they did it to make the movie a little bit linger.
Even though there are about 2,549,106 reasons why this movie sucks.
It is still funny to watch, and is just like watching the game. It
is a perfect B-Horror movie. I can see it being on Mystery Science
Theater 3000, some day. It's fun to watch so check it out. |
| Lots of gore. We get bullet holes all over the place, chopped of
heads, stabbings, tons of exploding heads, axing, chopped off legs,
chopped off arms, more bullet wounds, zombie bites, and lots more. |
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The Goodies |
So what have we
learned today? |
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Body Count: |
17 +/- |
- Rave goers know how to kick zombie ass in bullet time,
even if they are drunk.
- There are 7/11's on islands.
- Zombies absolutely hate raves, and Captain Kirk.
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Nudity |
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Jackpot!! We get four, that's right, four breast shots, although
one of them is provided by camera footage. As for the
ladies, well, do zombies turn you on? |
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Arsenal |
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Guns |
Explosives |
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Machetes |
Knives |
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Axe |
More Guns |
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So, do you disagree with my thoughts on
this movie? Do you feel that justice must be served? Well then,
Write Your Own Damn Review!! |
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